The Joke's On You.

Shannon W. Martin

So every year on the first of April, as you may well be aware, there are two types of people: people like me, who are innocent, unsuspecting, yet otherwise intelligent individuals, and the people who prey on them. Every year, it never fails – but I am duped, hoodwinked, and bamboozled, simply because I am liable to pretty much believe anything that anyone tells me. I like to think that I’m not necessarily gullible – but instead have a certain faith and trust in the honesty of humankind. Or at least that’s what I say to make myself feel better.

But after this past April 1^st, I have decided to take a stand, or rather a position. I’m tired of being mislead, especially if the joke is subpar. Thus, for future reference, if you intend on partaking in the festivities of April Fool’s Day – at least make it good. How do I do that you ask? Don’t worry, I took it upon myself to write up a few guidelines, so pay attention, and maybe even take notes:

Rule #1: DO NOT fake like you are Pregnant. For the most part, children are a beautiful thing, and to perpetuate the idea that you might be bringing life into this world is not so beautiful, nor is it creative. In fact its been done time and time again, and frankly, it’s getting a little old. And truth be told, it may not be worth it. Girls: It’ll most likely ruin your parent’s day. And if people acknowledge your less than flat belly and say “Aww, I thought gained weight, I just didn’t want to ask,” it probably ruin your day too. And Guys: No need to lie. We all know that if this were true, the baby probably wasn’t yours anyway.

Rule #2: Little white lies don’t count. Examples:

If we are in class and I ask whether or not you have a pencil I can borrow, and you say “No” knowing good and well that you do. Or if we share a class, and you see me on the street and swear up and down that: “OMG, did you know that we have a TEST in class today?!?!” while we both know, have seen, and own the syllabus. Or if we are walking down the street and you exclaim: “AHHH, look there’s a rabid DOG and he’s foaming at the mouth, and OMG he’s running towards us!!!!!!!,” just to see me run, stumble, and yelp down Forbes Avenue.

These are wack, and they don’t count - even if you laugh and decide to insert a “Hahahaha APRIL FOOL’S on the end. Try again.

Rule #3: Contrary to popular belief, Facebook is not real life. Therefore, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT try to trick people via Facebook. To do so shows lack of effort, lack of creativity, and reflects the desire and encouragement for people to Facebook stalk you. If that gives you some type of unwarranted self-esteem boost, then by all means do you. Just know that, on a scale from 1 to 10, Facebook jokes rate LAME.

So I guess the point I was trying to make is: if you insist on preying on the gullible inhabitants of the world – make it worth their while, be creative, and think outside the box. SM